Develop the skill so as to aim with perfection or hope the shot counts when the time is right?
Ok… what follows is an excerpt from a newsletter from www.realsocialdynamics.com. I post it because I think exemplifies an interesting question on the topic of ethics in the world of dating. I’m looking for your thoughts. Thoughts Saskatoon? Regina? Moose Jaw? Sunnyvale? Random person who doesn’t know how you got here?*** QUESTION ***
Hi Jeffy,
I have a problem. I'm almost 23 years old now and I've never had a girlfriend. In fact, I've never even kissed a girl. I'm in fairly good shape, have lots of friends, and I've got my life together. Recently, I've started to approach some of the really attractive girls I like: 8's and 9's mostly.
My game is not very tight, but I'm making progress. I can approach sets of girls in a club or on the street, but I'm not really getting anywhere.
Problem is, I don't know how long it will take me. 1 year? 2 years?
In the mean time, there are many girls that I'm not that attracted to who are already chasing me: 6's mostly. All of my friends recommend I just sleep with them and work my way up, "because hot girls are harder to get."
I've read in your newsletters that you say hot girls are not harder to get, just different.
Is this really true though? I don't have any experience even kissing girls and I'm afraid they'll turn me down once it comes time to escalate.
Working towards some indefinite time in the future when I can get a girl I'm actually attracted to is really intimidating. But settling for these girls I don't really like doesn't seem like a good alternative either. The older I get, the more sexually experienced other girls get, and the more I pale by comparison.
I'd very much appreciate some advice on which path I should take and why.
Thanks man,
ATB
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
I have some words of encouragement for you here, man.
It only SEEMS like you're not getting anywhere.
The amount of time it will take to get good depends on your both natural skill and the amount of dedication you have. Getting good at this stuff is roughly the same level of difficulty as learning to play a musical instrument, or learning to dance.
Hang in there and the skill will come.
Now, let's examine your very interesting and thought-provoking inquiry.
I'm gonna stand by my previous advice about picking up "6s" and say that, in the vast majority of cases, it's not a good idea.
Practicing on 6s can actually hinder your progress, because this game we teach is not geared toward them. It is designed for use on 8s, 9s, and 10s.
That's why I'm actually AFRAID to approach these "lesser" girls. I know what will happen: I roll up, spit some game, they look at me like I'm an alien and blow me out. They think, "What the hell is this? This guy is screwing with me."
Practicing on these girls is like training for a fight with Mike Tyson by sparring with Gary Coleman.
But in this particular instance I would recommend getting with the lower girls. Because you don't even have a frame of reference when it comes to physical escalation.
You need to get comfortable escalating physically with a girl PERIOD before you can start thinking about PARTICULAR girls to escalate with.
We're not talking about "game" here. Were talking about pure physical experience, so when you do get the 9 attracted you know what to do and you're not all nervous about it.
You say the girls are getting more experienced and you are starting to pale by comparison? Think about how embarrassed you'll be when you go to kiss a 9 and you chode out because you were too proud to kiss a 6.
This isn't just me theorizing. I recently had a student who was a 29 year old virgin. The guy had to, literally, ask me HOW TO KISS.
Like, I said, "Ok, well, you just go in aggressively on a high note, and..."
He interrupted me: "No, HOW do I actually DO IT? How do you KISS?"
He then went on to tell me that his parents never touched him as a child. Oh man.
His game was pretty good, he had a solid grasp on the actual theory and execution, but when it came to physical escalation, he couldn't do it because he was utterly clueless.
So, on the last night of program, I found some drunk chick, like a 7, and basically forced her to kiss him. Was it kind of awkward? Yeah. Did it work?
Yeah. Months later, the guy sends me an email detailing all the action he's been getting since the program. He's making out with chicks on top of national monuments, in the mall, everywhere.
All because he got the ball rolling with a drunk 7.
Don't knock it till you've tried it. The 9s will still be there when you're ready. Trust me.
posted by Lauren @ Wednesday, January 04, 2006
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