One of the well known leaders of the Vineyard Church (whose name I have naturally forgotten) had a dream of the Vineyard Church as a large ship. (I read the book a very long time ago and so that's all the detail I remember.) I feel like by being associated with the world wide Vineyard Church our little Saskatoon Vineyard dingy was being towed along (moved?,)by being tied to this much larger, much more significant vessel. Now, our tow rope is being slashed and we're being left adrift in our little dingy in the middle of the great, vast ocean. "Never use 7 words where 4 will suffice" It feels very lonely.
All my life I have been part of something larger when it comes to church. I attended the Mennonite Brethren church in the town of my youth which I joined when I was 17 and am still officially a member of the Canadian Mennonite Brethren Conference. There is an element of safety that comes with being associated with a larger body of believers. For example, it is much more difficult to go so very far off on theology when your individual theology is tempered by that of 1000's than when only the influence of a handful is felt. When it comes down to it, I just don't want to be out here almost all alone.
On the other hand...
A phrase borrowed from Islam, "All is as Allah wills." I've borrowed the theme and paraphrased... "The Lord's will, will prevail." If this separation is necessary, so be it. God wants only what's best for us. It will be good (not the same things as easy). If it's wrong, if we seek God whole heartedly, and pursue Him fully, He will direct our paths.
Trust...?
That reminds me of a little lesson in faith and forgiveness I had the other day. There I was, minding my own business, driving my truck slowly through a crowded parking lot when, as I carefully inched my way around a blind corner, a car went blasting in front of me causing me to slam on the brakes, stall my truck, and almost spill my jug of milk that went shooting forward. As if that wasn't enough, the driver even had the nerve to give me a dirty look, as if it was my fault we almost had an accident when he was the one blasting past the blind corner. For some reason, desires for revenge and wanting to put that guy in his place came flooding through. But, "'Vengence is mine,' says the Lord." It is so very difficult to really believe that God is just, and that this crazy, rude driver is going to get what he deserves or be forgiven of it just like I'm forgiven of the crazy, rude (wrong) things I seem so frequently to do. How very, very difficult it is to really believe God. How extraordinarily difficult.
posted by Lauren @ Wednesday, June 09, 2004
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